Road to where i was a nobody

Totally lost my motivation. No idea where it flew too. In class, what goes in one ear goes out from another. Teachers and friends take it for granted that i would pass -.- Think again. Past topics are long forgotten. Force myself to study, nothing goes into my head. Try to do revison? Nothing goes in either. I feel like crying for no reason at all! LOL. Proably beacause of my depression. But one thing i know, its definately NOT STRESS. Now thats the werid part. LOL. On the road to becoming the nobody i was before.....

Couldn't care less.....

Now I sit me down to study
I pray the Lord I wont go nutty
If I should fail to learn this junk,
I pray the lord I will not flunk.
But if I do, don't pity me at all,
Just sit my butt down in study hall.
Tell my parents I did my best,
Then pile my books apon my chest.
Now I lay me down to rest,
And pray I'll pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.

Exam Stress

What's this convulsion all around my neck?
I've bitten all my nails like a nervous wreck!
Hormones are flying from all glands,
Thinking my entire future lay right here in my hands.

My heartbeat is towering, i'm breathing so fast,
I'm still wondering how long these feelings will last!
All these negative thoughts are rising to my head,
how i really wish i was dead instead!

Relaxing is the key many people told me,
but i never realised how hard it would be!
So all i can do is hope and pray,
That when i enter my exams these feelings would go away!

If those thoughts remain fixed in my head,
I would certainly fail my mother said!
So i'm trying to think of things which are more cheerful,
but i'm unable to forget the thoughts that are truely fearful!

Lonely

The moon is always the best friend of a lonely heart......

Unwillingness

There are things that, we don't want to happen but have to ACCEPT. Things that we don't want to know but LEARN and people we can't live without but have to LET GO......

The bad dreams....

The sun has fallen once again,
there's sweat upon my brow.
I tremble, I shake, I must stay awake,
for i fear it is now close.

How many nights must I endure
this nightmare that never ends?
How much longer must I accept
this gift that the night always sends?

What have I done to deserve such fate
these sleepless nights in bed?
I rise from my pillow and sit and wait
for the dark things to clear from my head.

But the dark things they will never leave,
they stay and multiply.
I fear this nightmare will not go,
until the day i die.

So as the dark things call me once again,
and the shawdows dance upon my wall.
I try to find some comfort in knowing,
it is only a dream after all.

It is only a dream after all......

views of me

Many people have many views of diffrent people. I wonder what other people think of me. I recently heard from a teacher saying that i mix with the wrong group of friends and that my upbringing is very diffrent from others. I wonder if that is true. Many people say that i changed under then influence of my friends. I wonder is its true. Throughout my primary school life i have always recieved praises for my essays and the teacher always told my mum that i could write very intresting storys. I do not know whether it is true nor am i prasing myself but i had a dream of becoming a writer but it all vanished when i reached secondary school i wonder why is that so. Althought my mum blamed it all on the influfence of friends but i never believed a word it.

You know something? You can become a guardian angel to a certain someone without even realising it and to that certain someone you are someone very special like an angel form heaven. I had a guardian angel in primary school. Althought i spent 5 and a half years trying to reach out to that angel i dont regret it but by the time i realise it, it was time to graduate. I was really upset thinking that i had finally reached my goal but now have to let go of it but the angel simply gave me an encouraging pat on the back saying"dont worry, just because its time to graduate doesn't mean that its the end. Its time to move on and keep going after all we can still keep in contact." After the night of the graduation party, i cried in my sleep thinking that i was hopeless. A useless person and a big loser that could not even keep someone by their side. Then thinking back of what that angel said i told myself that those who could not let go and move on were the real losers.

To me the first few friends that i met in secondary school were like new angels to me. I followed them wherever they went and almost never left their side. They taught me new things, changed my looks, brought me new connections and exposure to a new world.

Now many people are telling me to leave their side. Saying that the new world that they have introduced me to is not good. I felt really lost thinking about it but i today i recieved a comment that really saved me from the depths and tangle of my thoughts. Such a comment "althought you are with them you dont change who you really are" Then i thought, i can be in their world but actually LIVE in mine. and through this i can experince many new things. I want to thank and dedicate this post to this special person. Thank You for your help. (LP)

(: Xena Ong